Stories of an ultra runner and adventurer: an obsessive approach to the outdoors by Candice Burt

Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Every Person's Guide to Trail Running Lingo

All respectable cults, cultures, and clubs have their own unique vocabulary.  Behold the Every Person's Guide to Trail Running Lingo, warning: guaranteed to offend you and/or make you laugh.

Running by Feel: Basically, it's not wearing a watch. Done by folks disillusioned by the road running religion, cheap as fuck, or forgetful like myself.

PR: Something runners use to create obnoxious posts on Facebook and athlete pages.

CR: Also known as Bragging Rights and obnoxious Facebook Posts.

PB: How Canadians say they've PR'd.  Aren't they cuuute?!

Technical: Trails made for rugged, rough, adventurous types. I believe you can look up Gary Robbins or Kilian Jornet and you'll get a good idea of this concept.

Sponsored: A runner who is willing to sell her/his soul for free shoes or a logo'd jersey. Or someone who is fast and has sold their body/blog/website for advertisement purposes.

No Meat Athlete: The folks who find themselves defending their food choices and B12 levels and have a good sense of superiority and guilt.

Paleo: The athletes who like to spoil dinner parties and nacho gorging sessions, but still drink copious amounts of craft brewed grain beverages. Also tend to have good sense of superiority and guilt. 

Road Runner: Runners of the Religious Watch Wearing Factions, Triathletes, and the Club of Suburban Child Bearing Middle Class. Could be of the Suunto, Garmin, or Polar denominations.

Trail Runner: The runners who claim that they went on a "run" where they hiked half of it and climbed over fallen tree logs the other half of the outing.  Look up James Varner in the Trailepedia. Didn't find him? Oh, yeah!  He's still out bushwhacking in the middle of no where.  I mean "running".

Pacer: Some lucky bastard's bitch.

Crew: Some lucky bastard's bitches.

Bonk: Some unlucky bastard running an ultra who thought it'd be a good idea to eat a ham and cheese sandwich at mile 20, and hasn't eaten since mile 20. Now it's mile 50. Ouch. Also known as running out of glycogen stores.

Elevation Gain: What you should've done in workouts before your first trail race.  Includes plenty of sweat, heavy breathing, and endorphins. Sound familiar? What's not to like?

Drop Bag: That bag of shit you never used at the aid station. More stuff = more anxious about the race.

FKT: A record folks can set without actually competing in person with other runners or giving much verification. Great for runners looking for a new challenge, introverts, fakes, or slow folks who wish they were fast.

Hokas: Clown Shoes. 100 mile shoes. The anti-Christ to the Minimalist Shoe Movement and arthritis. 

Minimalist: If you're not naked and shoeless I will not accept your minimalism. Case closed.

What terms do you have to add? Extra points for sarcasm and humor...

33 comments:

  1. Stickwhips: Bloody "whip" marks usually left on the lower extremities from stepping on and kicking up sticks while trail running. "What happened to your leg?" "Oh, just a couple stickwhips."

    WTPUHHH!: The most innocuous looking root, rock, divot, twig, etc. designed to launch the most careful trail runner into a rapid acceleration toward terra firma resulting in an abrupt deceleration and loss of cabin pressure. Only the words "WHAT THE" have time to form in the runner's mind prior to impact.

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  2. Wobbly flat: a trail that appears to be up hill in both directions, usually discovered at the back end of a 24 hour event.

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  3. DNF: found a course that kick your ass and left to drink some beers.

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    1. Glad you remembered DNF & beer. I wasn't able to work beer into this post. Such a shame :)

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  4. BLOG: Narcissistic load of shit. Drop your top, because that's really all this site has to offer.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Oh man, how did I forget Blog?!

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  5. Uncalled for. If you're going to post hateful, sexist comments on someone's blog, have the courage to sign your name and own your words. Otherwise keep that crap to yourself; Candice's blog is about community building, not tearing others down.

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  6. Bombing Downhills: How you explain making up for walking/hiking the uphills during the race by sounding like a speed goat but really you just tiptoed down the hills so you wouldn't fall flat on your face.

    Mountain Goating: Using all four limbs to get up the hills because you didn't do any hill repeats or elevation practice in your training.

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    1. Nervpoo: The demons that have been exorcised into the honey bucket before the start of the race.

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    2. Nervpoo, I like that. That happens with rock climbing aswell.

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  7. Training Run: What egotistical assholes call a race, during the race, to other fellow racers. All while giving the "training run" 100% effort. This way if they fail, they weren't even trying. And if they succeed, "Whoops! Did I win? And a course record? I guess the rest of you are just slow!"

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    1. I looooove that one! And it's so true!!!

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  8. Biff. A trip and a fall that does not require a trip to the ER. May have some blood involved.

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  9. Kick: Running ridiculously fast over the last 1 % of a race, thereby proving to everyone who sees you that you either slacked through the first 99 % or that you despite all your training still have no idea whatsoever how to pace yourself evenly to a maximized performance.

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  10. "Douche grade"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huaUOjEIcAw

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  11. I've heard the term "wizard sticks" being tossed around lately in reference to trekking poles

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  12. DNF: Coveted spot in the finish order. AKA - Dead Fuckin' Last

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    1. Another good one! How could I forget DFL!!!

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    2. We call this DAL (Dead Ass Last ) to avoid confusion with the more classic definitions of DNF.

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  13. Faceplant: The penalty for a momentary lapse of attention. Extra points for dirt up your nose and sticks and grass in your teeth.

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  14. sticky-those who covers there car's with stickers off every run they did

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  15. Shomit: When you finally remember to eat 30 miles into a race and 5 miles later can't decide if you're going to sh*t or vomit. Most likely both.

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  16. Hammer: what dudes do when they descend a "gnarly" trail.
    Gnarly: what dudes call "technical" terrain.

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  17. Digger: The losing battle between a sharp rock and your toned body. You'll be scaring the hikers with the pints of blood that you're wearing.

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  18. Going Barkely: Bushwhack super-sized.

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  19. tempo run: running with the music

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  20. Chinscraper - I believe that is a very steep climb. I loved the comments about training run.

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  21. SnakeStick - So, you're running along listening to your favorite playlist or podcast when you suddenly happen upon a long, skinny, serpentine form right the hell in front of you on the trail. So you scream like a school girl and jump 5 feet in the air and off the trail. And then you look around hoping to God that no one saw you lose your mind over a fallen pine twig.

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  22. Snot rocket - Not owned by the running community but certainly worth an honorably mention. The high velocity expulsion of mucous (or dirt/twigs if you just took a good digger) from the nostrils while running by plugging one nostril shut and blowing forcefully out the other. Rinse. Repeat other side. Bonus points if you can use your 'snot sniper' skills to call your shot before letting loose to hit 'that tree, leaf, rock, or douche running trails with headphones'. :-)

    Also not owned by runners: Crop dusting - the act of passing someone on the trail/walking around whilst simultaneously eeking out the results of last night's 15 bean and pasta dinner extravaganza. These people also make good targets to practice your snot sniper skills upon.

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