I was pretty stoked to say the least when Scott Warr of Trail Runner Nation asked me to go on the podcast this week and talk to them about my latest write up, The Every Person's Guide to Trail Running Lingo. My write up is really not what it purports to be, readers be warned. It's written for the trail runner who has been in the sport long enough to see the humor in my "definitions." Rather than give traditional definitions, I give funny, sometimes crass definitions for various ultra running terms. So you can see why I was surprised when TRN contacted me! I thought, wow, here I go with one of (what I think) is my most crude, potty mouth obnoxious posts and they want me to talk about it on the air! Sweeeeet. Oh god. What did I just get myself into?! To celebrate, I'm going to give you an imaginary conversation I had with the folks at TRN, before I even spoke to them! Think of it as the pre-interview. Or the nervous "I'm-better-at-writing-than-speaking-interview".
Don: Hi Candice. So first off, let's just get it off the table. Why are you such a potty mouth?
Candice: <Pause> Uh, er, well.... I guess I need a filter, like coffee. You know <nervously rambling> I like coffee. Ultra runners like coffee. Do you like coffee?
Scott: Uhhh, yeah. I...
Candice: So when I make coffee I use this cool little one cup espresso press. It's all by hand. Damn, what's the name of that press? Well, my point being that it has a really good filter.
Don: Which is what you need?
Candice: Exactly. I'm going to mount one of those filters over my mouth, tape it on real good. Wait...hold on... right now. Before I let loose any doozies.
Scott: If Faith was here, she'd be pleased.
Don: She opted out. Err, we guys thought it was funny, you know, your trail lingo. But Faith is a bit more feminine and-
Candice: cultured? I knew it! Damn. Well maybe she'll join us next time when I talk about my newest post: "How to Match Your Nail Color with Your Sweat Stained Shorts".
Don: Not sure that filter is working Candice, haha. That's not really the point I was making.
Candice: Gee guys, this is going so well! Haha <nervous laugh> I'm so happy to be on here. Can we talk about beer?
Scott: That's Ultra Runner Podcast.
Candice: Oh yeah, right <blushing>. Well, I thought I'd prove I was a real ultra runner by consuming not 1, not 2, but 4 beers before talking to you. And running a lap for each one. Like a beer run!
Scott: So... you forgot about #3 and basically you can swear and shit talk, but don't tell us you're drunk.
Candice: Oh. Not to worry, I'm good for another, maybe 2 beers. And anyway, I'm just trying to loosen up! Haha, ha....<nervous laugh>
Don: <Clearly changing subject> So, Scott and I were on a run this morning wearing our Petzels and Scott, like he always says, was like "Don, thank you so much for getting me up at 4:20 this morning. I was going to kill you when you called, but I would've had to kill my phone too. And that's just taking it too far."
Candice: Yo, I heard this one. You like the Petzel? And poor Scott. How could you make him get up every morning at 4:20. Waiiiiit a minute. Does this have to do with the new marijuana laws? I knew it! That explains a lot guys.
Don: What do you mean exactly? We're in Callie, Not Washie.
Scott: She means that our sound is dank. It's cool Don. Anyway, moving on. Candice, we're planning on describing you on our podcast as an "active" blogger. Could you please comment on blogging activeness. That's some blogging lingo.
Candice: Ooooh, impressive. I, too, am a fan of making lingo by adding "ness" or "ing". But, yeah, active blogging, it's really an endangered species. It's like the Siber Toothed Tiger of blogs.
Don: Haha, I once made a blog, posted about my 5 mile run and my 10 mile run. And then I kinda got bored.
Scott: Who got bored? Don, you had a blog? I would've read your blog. What did you call it?
Don: The Doninator Runs.
Scott: Like the Terminator?
Candice: So about the blogging--
Don: That's why we're friends! Wanna watch the show tomorrow night?
Scott & Don: Ummmm, ahh....(looking at each other) We were talking about here in Californie.
Scott: Moving on, again, so if you listen to Trail Runner Nation Candice, how come you haven't made fun of us?
Candice: Good question. Not to worry, I'm working on it.
Don: Very good. Now on to Trail Running Lingo.
Without further ado, my interview with Trail Runner Nation. Thanks guys! Check out their other podcasts. There's a plethora of great interviews. Some of my personal favs? Check out anything with Warren Pole. Also join the conversation at Trail Runner Nation. Yes, they have an active forum! Oh, and let's not forget one of the most important trail running terms Scott and Don taught me about: PEK, Performance Enhancing Kokopelli. Get one or 20, it apparently enhances ultra performance. Great for gear junkies like me ;-)